Timeless
by artemisgirl
Summary: Beast Boy dwells on his feelings toward Raven and her responses to his advances, and Raven expresses her emotions to the subject as well. A twopart lyrical tale of emotion, turmoil, and love. BBRae
1. Beast Boy's Soliloquy

A/N: I wrote this when I was feeling dark and dismal at about two in the morning a couple nights ago. I don't think it's half bad, either. It's meant to be lyrical in quality.Here, Beast Boy laments about his feelings for Raven - BB/Rae. I will most likely post a second part to this that will be Raven's response. Dedicated to Diana, who remembered my birthday was today when I forgot, and kept at me to continue writing.

Please, review!

**Timeless**

I'd love to say that I hate you.

I'd love to say that when I was nice to you, and you were mean in response, that I didn't care. I'd love to say that your cruel remarks bounced off me like rubber, and didn't affect me in the least. That it didn't matter to me.

But that would be a lie. Your disparaging remarks cut me deeper than you'll ever know. After you lashed out at me, I immersed myself in a virtual world, taking my frustration out on video game characters.

I cared about what you said to me.

I still do.

I'd love to say that when I tried to talk to you, and you cut me off or ignored me, that it didn't faze me in the slightest. I'd love to say that I was able to simply shrug it off and take it in stride. I'd love to say that your dismissal of my conversation attempts were your loss, not mine. That it didn't matter to me.

But that wouldn't be true. Your casual brush-off's stung me as if I had been struck with a whip. The fact that you had no interest in talking to me hurt, and left me withdrawn and melancholy.

I cared whether you wanted to talk to me or not.

I still do.

I'd love to say that when I tried to spend time with you, and you avoided me like the plague, that it didn't upset me whatsoever. I'd love to say that I went and relaxed in my room, enjoying my peaceful time alone. I'd love to say that I was perfectly content without you. That it didn't matter to me.

But that would be false. Your emotionless dismissals crushed me time and time again. I locked myself in my room, torn, my emotions raw. I wished that I was with you, that I were spending time with you, that we were enjoying life together.

I cared if you wanted to spend time with me or not.

I still do.

I'd love to say that when I tried to make you smile, your sarcastic retorts didn't change me in the slightest. I'd love to say that your dry responses were futile. I'd love to say that your sharp tongue didn't affect me. I'd love to say that your ever-present scowl didn't faze me. That it didn't matter to me.

But that would be fiction. Your acidic responses felt like a blade cutting into my flesh. Your dry wit left my soul sore, your sharp tongue left my heart tender. Your constant scowl depressed me wherever I went.

I cared for your happiness.

I still do.

I'd love to say that when I paid you compliments and you retaliated with sharp insults, that I didn't bat an eye. I'd love to say that the barbs at my weaknesses didn't earn a reaction. I'd love to say that my ego was fine, that my self-confidence was as high as ever. That it didn't matter to me.

But that would be a fib. Your insults felt like a slap in the face. My ego was bruised, my self-confidence shattered, my courage gone.

I cared about what you thought of me.

I still do.

I'd love to say that when I showed I cared, and you were completely apathetic, that it didn't hurt me at all. I'd love to say that my aplomb was fine, that my poise was perfect, and that my reaction was absent. That it didn't matter to me.

But that would be inaccurate. Your emotional detachment from me struck me hard. My happiness caved in, my sense of humor was killed, and my hope was gone.

I cared if you cared about me.

I still do.

But no matter what I do, you always sneer contemptuously. No matter what I say, you're always cruel in response. No matter what I praise, you always shoot me down. No matter how hard I try, I'm never good enough for you.

I'd love to say that I hate you. I'd love to say that I loathe looking at you. I'd love to say I despise your very presence. I'd love to say that I abhor your existence, and that I wish you'd never been born.

I'd love to say that I hate you.

But I can't; it'd be a lie.

I don't hate you at all, despite everything you've done to me.

Instead, I find that I love you.

I always did.

I still do.

And I always will, too.

¸,ø ¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ ø,¸¸,ø ¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ ø,¸¸,ø ¤º°°º¤¸,ø¤

Please, review! Let me know what you think. I love hearing from all of my readers, no matter what they have to say.


	2. Raven's Response

A/N: A week later; it's time for Raven's response. Hopefully, this will get all of this angst out of my system. Then again, perhaps not...

Timeless

I'd love to say that I love you.

I'd love to show you that I care. Whenever you're kind to me, I'd love to be able to be kind in return, and make smile spread across your face. I'd love to tease you lightly, and watch you blush.

I'm not able to do so, though. Metal melts when I show I'm cheerful, and solids dissolve when I show I'm kind. It's dangerous. I have to hide those feelings inside of me, and respond with cruel retorts and nasty remarks to keep control.

I'd love to show you that I care.

But I can't.

I'd love to talk to you. I'd love discuss everything with you in minute detail. I'd love to hear your opinions, and tell you mine. I'd love to be able to tell you anything, and have you confide in me.

I cannot, however. When I speak emotionally, objects explode, and things blow up. I could hurt you. I have to conceal my desire to talk with you, and send you away with apathetic brush-offs, knowing it's for the best. I have to hold in my internal agony as I watch you somberly wander away, knowing I want nothing more than to go and talk to you for hours.

I'd love to talk with you.

But I can't.

I'd love to spend time with you. I'd love to go for a walk through the park with you, holding your hand all the while. I'd love to watch a horror movie with you, and cuddle up to you in the scary parts. I'd love to go dancing with you, losing myself in the music as we move together as one.

If I did, though, it would be a disaster. Windows would shatter at my blatant display of affection. Bushes would explode at my tenderness. Instead, I have to avoid you when you're looking for me, as I don't know if I'd be able to resist the temptation of being with you. When I see you torn after I do so, I can barely resist the urge to fling myself into your arms, not caring about the consequences, blasting us to oblivion.

I'd love to spend time with you.

But I can't.

I'd love to smile at you. I'd love to laugh at your jokes freely, admitting that they are amusing. I'd love to grin at you as we share an inside joke that none of the others understand. I'd love to smile at you, just glad that you are there.

Yet, I'm unable to. A true smile would cause a harsh wind to assail us; a free laugh would bring a storm. I can only smirk sarcastically, and never truly smile. I have to respond dryly to your jokes, camouflaging my amusement with sarcasm. I have to retort cruelly at your every try to lighten the mood. I have to restrain myself from apologizing when I see how my words hurt you.

I'd love to smile at you.

But I can't.

I'd love to tell you what I think of you. I'd love to be able to return your gracious compliments, and express my gratitude to you. I'd love to tell you how I love your personality, how your smile brightens my day, how your casual confidence is enigmatic and alluring.

If I were to do so, however, my powers would escape and break things randomly. Monitors would crack, machines would melt, and computers would crash. Priceless technology would be lost forever. I have to insult you in return, spitting barbs where I know you are most vulnerable to keep my emotions, stirred from your flattery, under strict control. I have to struggle not to cry when I see you walk away, dejected, hurt, upset, as I know I caused those feelings in you.

I'd love to tell you what I think of you.

But I can't.

I'd love to show you just how deeply I care. I'd love to casually weave my fingers with yours, conveying so much meaning through the simple gesture. I'd love to hug you tightly and never let you go. I'd love to kiss you tenderly, showing you how I feel. I'd love to embrace you, while you hold me wrapped in your arms, safe and secure.

I can't, though. To express such a strong emotion towards you unrestrained would be fatal. You would be struck with my dark power, and collapse and die in my arms. You would be gone forever. I cannot allow that to happen, so I have to carefully wear my eternal façade of apathy, assuming the air that I do not to care in the least. I have to pretend that I feel nothing but disdain towards you, though it is anything but. I have to restrain from killing myself, from feeling my life is hopeless and pointless without you.

I'd love to show you that I care.

But I can't.

No matter what I go through, I can't share it. No matter what I feel, no one can know. No matter what I want, I can't have it. No matter what emotions I feel, I can't express them. No matter how badly I love you, you can never know.

I'd love to be able to love you. I'd love to smile at you, to give you the appreciation you deserve. I'd love to spend time with you, simply enjoying my life with you at my side. I'd love to hold and touch you, reassuring myself that you're really there, and not just another torturous dream.

I'd love to be able to tell you that I love you.

Yet, I can't; I have to keep it all inside.

But regardless of my hateful pretences, I do love you.

I love you.

But you can never know.

¸,ø ¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ ø,¸¸,ø ¤º°°º¤ø,¸¸,ø¤º°°º¤ ø,¸¸,ø ¤º°°º¤¸,ø¤

Please, remember to review! Your thoughts are greatly appreciated, regardless of what they are.


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